Galileo and Blah Musings

galileo's head was on the block
the crime was looking up the truth
and as the bombshells of my daily fears explode
i try to trace them to my youth

and then you had to bring up reincarnation
over a couple of beers the other night
and now i'm serving time for mistakes
made by another in another lifetime

how long til my soul gets it right?
can any human being ever reach that kind of light?
i call on the restin' soul of galileo
king of night vision, king of insight

then i think about my fear of motion
which i never could explain
some other fool across the ocean years ago
must have crashed his little airplane

how long til my soul gets it right?
could any human being ever reach that kind of light?
i call on the restin' soul of galileo
king of night vision, king of insight

i'm not makin' a joke
you know me, i take everything so seriously
if we wait for a time when all souls get it right
then at least i know there'll be no nuclear annihilation in my lifetime.
i'm still not right

i offer thanks to those before me
that's all i've got to say
so maybe you've squandered a few bucks in your lifetime
now i have to pay

but then again it feels like some sort of inspiration
to let the next life off the hook
but you'll say, "look what i had to overcome in my last life
i think i'll write a book"

how long til my soul gets it right?
can any human being ever reach the highest light?
except for galileo, god rest his soul
king of night vision, king of insight

sigh. Thank you Indigo Girls.


Am deeply disturbed on this night. I shouldn't be so bothered by things. But I am. I'm getting married on 22nd October and it's not that I don't love Bil -- far from it! I have a nice little vision of the wedding -- fairy lights and glowing orbs or lanterns or whatever, squashy cushions, black and creams, etc, very Harry Potter, I guess -- and yet I have such antipathy towards planning it. I do love Bil and I do want to have some sort of festivities to celebrate our love and all that shit, but I don't know if I really want to deal with the wedding itself. I mean, a couple more years, and we'll be married whether we like it or not thanks to common laws.

I think that part of why I'm feeling this way is due to the sense of isolation that has been washing over me since picking up and moving cross country. I haven't really kept in touch with the vast majority of my college friends. There's Bil -- we're in this adventure together -- but I haven't properly talked to Tash since Election Day, when she called me while I was rallying around the tragic Dems in Copley Square...
I've become a Gap hermit: I spend the majority of my time either working at the Gap or reading about the trials and tribulations of other people's lives on their blogs. I have my roommates here and some decent work pals, but no real get-tarted-up-so-we-can-go-out-and-make-drunken-asses-out-of-ourselves friends. And I must say that part of this is due to the lifestyle change of being in a relationship, but I never go out with the girls anymore (even for coffee) because I don't have any girls to go out with. It's good in some ways -- I'm reading a lot more, which always suits me -- but I wonder if I'm destined to always be a person who is on the outside looking in like some vicious voyeuristic peeping Tom. The upshot it that I guess we'll have a smaller list of people to invite to the wedding, and thankfully I have a huge family, so the bride side of things might not be completely empty. But Bil has so many friends from so far back. My friends slip through my life -- sometimes it seems that I'm trying to hold water in a sieve, my friendships come and go with such fluidity. And I'm reduced to cheesy metaphors... alas.

I'm not really complaining -- I've always been a bit of a loner and I really do like to have time out from the rest of the world to center myself. But it's weird, only in the last six or so months have I realized that to be a loner is a very lonely path. And I have no idea anymore how to even go about making friends.
Perhaps it would help to throw myself into an artistic pursuit -- I've been in a bit of a creative funk as of late (alright, it's more of a creative void...).
I really need to do some fucking theatre. Or something... Anything... Argh.

I'm going to stop with the blathering now and go reread Running in Heels. I must say Anna Maxted really fuckin' rocks. I might wanna be her when I grow up. I think that I'd like to be a writer. If I only had a story.

That is really all.