Theft of spam leaves gap in socioeconomic status of area woman's e-mail account

Chicago, IL (AP--Reuters) An area woman who wished to remain anonymous reported today that all of the spam e-mail saved up in her Bulk folder was mysteriously missing. Police were contacted, but as of yet, there seem to be no leads. She is quoted as saying, "Suddenly, and without warning my collection of 4800 spam e-mails that were just chillin' in my Bulk folder have up and disappeared, and now I only have 15 spams in there. Who has stolen my collection of spam? Why would anyone do such a thing? Bastards! It'll take me at least a week to collect that many again. Shame on you, spam thief, shame on you!"

She was distraught and had to be restrained.
"I've never seen anything like it," said Officer Geraldo Lopez of the Internet Crimes Division. "This has to be the largest theft of junk mail that we've ever come across."
Singer-activist Willie Nelson is reportedly in the studio with Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson recording a song about the societal impact this has on the e-Community; the song is reportedly titled "Where Have All the Spammers Gone?" It will hit stores on Tuesday. The week after this Tuesday, hip-hop artist/producer Diddy will release his version of the single, which is basically the same thing, except he raps over the guitar harmonies, titled "Bitch Where My Spam At?"

That is all.