Normal?

Somewhere in the last week and a half, I have gone into such an extreme tailspin that I have forgotten what normal might feel like. So many ups and downs (mostly downs). I am exhausted, but I cannot sleep. I have never wanted to get the hell out of here more that I do now. The cavalier attitudes, the absurd picture of GWB on the wall in the "library," the oppressive nature of it all... it's absolutely stifling. It's actually as if I can't breathe.
Somewhere in here, there used to be a sense of grouchy, self-deprecating humor... see this entry for a taste of said humor. Or this gem. If humor is what you're looking for, this is not the entry for you. I have none left. I've become terribly boring. And I totally miss Chicago. It's officially my home.

Maybe the worst part of all of this is the self-doubt aspect. What if I am wrong? What if I'm over-reacting? I hate feeling so alone. It's terrible up here in my head. I can't wait to get back to work so that I can be occupied with other more pressing matters. Goddamn it!!!!!!! Oh, yes, there are lovely bouts of severe uncontrollable anger, mixed in with crying over literally what seems to be nothing... as Bostonians are to honking horns, I am to the facial waterworks--at a mere moment's notice, I can turn these babies on. This family reunion should be fun! I just hope there's enough booze. It's gonna take some serious drinking to get through it. God help us all.

When I return to Chicago I will be better, promise. I'm just thoroughly ensconced in this mess right now, and I have no useful escape. It's really shitty. But I will conspire to return to my cynical, bitter, self-deprecating, bitchy, "fucking actors!," eye-rolling, grumpy, misanthropic self upon my return to the windy city. I can't wait. Seriously. I've got my bag all packed up in anticipation. It's going to be a long time until I return to CA. It's too hard now. And it's really going to suck after.

God, people, why are you reading this awful drivel? Seriously? If you are reading this, I am really doubting your sanity. My own is already really shaky... I am probably going to lose friends over this... it's so bad. Do yourself a favor and stop reading. Right now. Ok?

That is all.